Last week, I hit the big 52, and instead of the usual fanfare, my body decided to throw me a surprise party. But instead of balloons and streamers, it gave me new aches and a night of tossing and turning that felt more like an Olympic event than restful slumber. As I lay there, counting more sheep than hours of sleep, I realized – getting older isn’t for the faint of heart.

Here’s a hot tip for all you youngsters in your roaring twenties and thriving thirties: enjoy that deep sleep, the kind that’s so sound, a marching band in your bedroom couldn’t wake you. Revel in the bliss of eating whatever you want, whenever you want because as you edge closer to the big 5-0, the party winds down in ways you never expected.

Being in your fifties means suddenly finding out that a bad night’s sleep doesn’t just make you grumpy – it ruins your whole week. It’s like your body becomes a finely tuned instrument of torture, where each toss and turn at night is a prelude to a symphony of aches that lasts ‘til brunch the next day. Who signed me up for this subscription to “Pain Monthly”? I sure don’t remember ticking that box.

And let’s talk about food. Remember those carefree days of spicy tacos at 3 a.m., or indulging in an extra slice of cheesecake because why not? Well, those days are over, folks. In your fifties, your stomach is the boss, and it’s a finicky, grumpy old codger that doesn’t like surprises. Eat anything too spicy, too creamy, or, heaven forbid, both, and you’re in for a gastro-nightmare. Welcome to the era of oatmeal and probiotics – your new best friends.

Then there are the allergies. Once upon a time, spring meant picnics and blossoms. Now? It’s more about nasal sprays and antihistamines. It seems like my immune system, which used to be such a chill dude, has turned into this hyperactive hall monitor, freaking out at every speck of pollen. Yes, I’m sneezing more than I’m breathing these days, and it’s not a cute look.

Oh, and almond-tree shaking season is a new level of suffering but what are you going to do aside from cough and bear it, ammiright?

But hey, let’s not get too down in the dumps. Sure, the fifties come with their fair share of “perks,” but here’s a nugget of truth: it’s genuinely a privilege to grow older. Life is a gift, a precious one that’s not promised to anyone, and every day above ground is a good day, aches and all. Let’s embrace our grays, our cricks, and our quirks.

Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, so laugh at the absurdity of it all, love fiercely, and maybe swap out the taco nights for something that doesn’t wage war on your digestive tract.

Here’s to being fabulous at 52, with a touch of irreverence and a lot more ibuprofen. Cheers!

Kim Van Meter is a former full-time reporter for The Oakdale Leader, The Escalon Times and The Riverbank News; she continues to provide a monthly column. She can be reached at kvanmeter@oakdaleleader.com.