By FRANK REMKIEWICZ
Columnist
Do you remember the polite way to get on or off an elevator? It has been some time since I first learned this, back when my mom was seeing her primary care physician (in 1961 we just called them doctors) on the fourth floor of the Bank of America building in my hometown. Ordinary etiquette requires a man to open a door for a woman so that the woman can enter before the man. Elevators are different. Men are supposed to enter and exit an elevator prior to the women entering and exiting because the elevator may not land exactly even with the floor.
The man will enter first to assist the lady in stepping into the elevator. The same is true of exiting the elevator. A man assists a woman in exiting if the floor and the elevator are not even. In today’s world, elevators are so prevalent and so well maintained that the chance of that unevenness happening is slight. My point is that is the polite thing to do.
How do I define being polite? Well, here are three similar definitions. The basic online dictionary defines politeness as: “having or showing behavior that is respectful and considerate of other people.” The Collins dictionary has this to say: “Someone who is polite has good manners and behaves in a way that is socially correct and not rude to other people.” The Oxford Dictionary defines politeness as “having or showing good manners and respect for the feelings of others”. Examples of this would be two men meeting and shaking hands. Shaking hands has a history. In medieval times, if you extended your hand to shake another man’s hand, you were demonstrating you were not carrying a weapon. In doing so you demonstrated there was no ill will toward the person you were meeting.
Today, shaking someone’s hand is the polite thing to do upon first meeting. A man pulls a chair away from a table for his date to sit on and then helps to slide that chair to a comfortable position at the table. Another would be when someone new enters a room one would stand to greet them. If the person entering the room happens to be the President of the United States, then no one would sit until the President sits. Being polite is a Christian principle that perhaps escapes all of us. The root of politeness is the Christian “love of thy neighbor.” Paul writes in Philippians, “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.” If we as Christians are required to take the form of a servant, then we would be kind and respectful of all we meet. Another biblical example is found in 1 Peter “Be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.” Love as brethren, in my mind, means that all we meet are family, and family deserves courtesy. It is not always easy, but it is always required. Remember, the second great commandment says, “Love thy neighbor as thy self.” There is no qualifying statement. We do not love if the neighbor returns the love; we love because it is required regardless of whether the neighbor has done us wrong. The apostle Paul writes of Christ in Philippians that we should “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others” (Phil 2:3-4). I translate, “Look ... but also to the interests of others,” to mean we must always be respectful (polite) to everyone. Can this be difficult, maybe even beyond hard? It certainly is for me! In fact, we all slip from time to time, but we ask for forgiveness and start anew. In my own daily routine, I find it easy to be polite to family and friends. I even find that when I meet someone new, I will be polite and respectful. My mind is set that everyone deserves respect until that person hurts me or someone I already love. When that happens, my immediate response is to drop all respect for that person and oftentimes strike back. I am human, and this is an area in which my response really is immediate and without thinking. But it is still the wrong answer. Christ has a real problem with that way of thinking. To be Christian means that we return hurt with love, disrespect with respect, and a lack of politeness with being polite. We are now in the year 2025. Shall we all renew our commitment to the two great commandments? Love God with all our heart, all our strength, and all our soul. And love our neighbor as ourselves. Let’s begin going to worship on a weekly basis. Let’s respect and love every single person that we meet, wherever we meet them, regardless of who they are and under whatever circumstances we meet them.
Francis (Frank) Remkiewicz is an area resident and contributes a monthly column focused primarily on faith and religion. He can be reached at fremkiewicz@gmail.com. Opinions expressed are those of the author.
